What happens when people don’t recover from the traumatic effects of abuse from family, partners, educators, employers, and mentors?
They become poisoned with bitterness, rage, and fear. You see it in their eyes, their faces, the way they hold themselves.
And the offender?
They move on, unburdened, to their next victim.
Imagine that you’re suddenly in the path of a deadly, venomous snake. And without warning, the snake strikes, and you’re immobilized as the poison invades your bloodstream. And as you’re in this state, someone – it could be your higher self, a voice within, a professional, a friend, an advocate – sees you and says, “Listen , I see that you’re in trouble, and I want to help.”
But you can’t speak. The poison has frozen your vocal cords.
Shame shows up. Shame is like a black curtain. Every time you think of raising that curtain to face the light, this is what you hear: you-should-have-why-didn’t-you-shut-up-move-on-this-is-your-fault-it-didn’t-happen-you-deserved-it.
You keep the curtain closed.
You accept the pain. You personalize it. You rationalize that it was meant for you. If you had been in another place at another time; if you had been quieter, louder, quicker, smarter, braver; if you had had the right words, you could have stopped it.
You accept the burden of the abuse — and not just the burden of the offense against you, but the offense your offender suffered. And the offense their offender suffered. And so on…
And in this acceptance is silence.
And the burden becomes heavier each moment of your life…until it becomes your life.
It was never meant for you.
That abuser never saw you. You were just a distorted projection. A container for their venom.
First, recognize the burden that you carry and the cost to your life force.
Second, ask yourself: do I want to carry this until my last breath? And if the answer is no,
Third, unpack this burden. You may not know where you begin and it ends, but in time you will. You may decide to leave all of it behind. Or you may choose to keep a little piece of it, because it has informed you, it has strengthened you, it has taught you about yourself.
Fourth, when you’re ready and willing, share what you’ve learned. You may be surprised by the force and conviction in your voice. It comes from a place inside you that you didn’t even know existed.
People are hungry for this story, because it’s about courage.
It’s about self-liberation.